Spinning into infinity
External forces not forces at all
Ripples extending outward
Coloring the surface of the pond
It is all water
Even the ripple is part of the surface
The deep calm beneath
Drops losing individuality in a whole
Show me a drop of water in a lake
It is there, but it isn’t
Words pointing in endless directions
Around and through my being
There is nothing
A wave through nothing
An existence shattered
And then thrown away
Why won’t it go away
What am I clinging to?
I renounce a thousand worlds
This one holds nothing
My head throbs
As much as it is my head
Can consciousness leap from one plane to another
And remain intact?
Can the journey be experienced?
Or do we simply wake up in a new life
With the expectations of the old one?
How do I let go, realize the change, and move on?
Words have no meaning
This post means nothing
Let it go
Whatever I am thinking, it is gone
My current thoughts are your vision into my past
What is it like to ride in a time machine?
not as generous as I could be
regret for lack of charity
awareness to the moment
closing the gap
whatever I want to do
I will do it
To know the resulting fractal
You just need to know the algorithm
And the number of iterations
How many iterations does it take
To animate the fractal?
A Cup of Tea
Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.
Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring.
The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. “It is overfull. No more will go in!”
"Like this cup," Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"
Sometimes when I will have a memory of an event, a similar event will happen later in the day. I keep realizing it after the fact, but I am starting to see a pattern. I would like to be able to line up that awareness with the current moment.
Observe the state of your mind from one moment to the next
It is all there
You just have to remember it
You have been here before
I cannot accept the malaise of this life, but I seem trapped by it. I want to overcome it, but here I am doing something other than what I should be doing. I know I am better. I just cannot seem to break this cycle. Why is this one so tough? I think that it has been around for longer than I realize. I think that I have been a party to it for pretty much my whole life. Doing just what I needed to do to get by.
Luckily, things have come easy for me. I had good parents and was given a good childhood. I got mostly A’s in elementary and only a few lower letters in high school. I took advanced classes and was at the top, despite my not really needing to study. Math came naturally to me and computers followed. I never had to give much effort.
College was not as stellar. The coasting that I did in high school did not last through to college. Oh, I still did not study much, but it caught up with me. I got my first D in geography. I still did OK in math and computer classes, but the work got harder, and I went from A’s being the best to a B average. It was a solid B average, but still a B average. Not at all what I was used to, but I did not really do anything to improve it. Instead I drank, smoked pot, and took a lot of naps.
Next came work and I fell into a good job. Pay was good and the work came easy. I never felt like I was doing what I wanted to do, but they kept giving me raises and telling me how good a job that I was doing. This continues for a few years.
Finally, our company is sold and eventually weeded out. I still remain. Still not feeling like I am doing what I want to be doing, but now I am faced with learning new skills. I can still learn. I can still take on new challenges, but now with being married and having two kids, I just don’t feel like working. I just don’t feel like pushing. And maybe I never did. Maybe I never pushed for anything ever in my life.
I can’t believe that though. I am here. I exist. I am not defeated. I am not on the streets. It all cannot have come with just me coasting. I had to have fought along the way for somethings. But I cannot put my finger on any of those times where I really stood up and said that this is what I want and I am willing to go down fighting for it.
There are things things that I have made an effort for. I didn’t give up in school. I married a wonderful woman and I have two amazing kids. This isn’t a result of a life on auto-pilot. But still there is the feeling that I have not yelled to the top of my lungs that I am here. If you want to be heard, then you have to speak up.
Maybe this is my time. Maybe this is the time that I fight for something, even though I don’t know what it is I am fighting for. Maybe I am just fighting for awareness. For enlightenment. For freedom from my self. And to get that freedom I have to leave this situation, change it, or accept it. I am ready for change.
I am ready for the light to blind me. I am ready for the darkness to engulf me. I am ready to surrender.
I don’t have to remember what happens after I die.
That is the feeling that I am trying to carry with me.
I can die and be reborn every moment.
I can let my self die and I can be carried on to the next moment.
The awakening is to the knowledge that this is the life.
This is the life that leads everyone to enlightenment.
Everyone is already in a state of enlightenment.
Who am I to judge that they are not aware of it.
Stop telling your self how to feel.
It knows how to feel.
Look at your breath.
You forgot about it didn’t you?
You don’t have to tell your self how to breathe.
Why tell it how to feel?